A Brother's Love

How do you know someone loves you?  No, I'm not talking about the gushy, romantic, erotic love, but the deep love of a family member or friend.  This past week I felt a love that was simply amazing...my brother spent a week with us at our place up north. 

Dan works hard and there's nothing he loves more than to just "veg" and watch a campfire burn.  He also spent a lot of his time trying to "train" our cat, Pepper, to sit on his lap.  However, the week got interesting.  I had many tasks to complete there before the end of the week for various and sundry reasons.

I really didn't want to ask him to help me, not wanting to impose on his "relaxing time" but he thought nothing of helping me with what I had to do.  To me, it was major, because what would take me hours by myself took a fraction of the time together. He never said "I love you", he just saw things that I had mentioned and went ahead and did them. To me, this is love. 

His acts of generosity with his time and energy spoke volumes to me. Flying and spending time with us speaks volumes to me. Letting his own chores go and now returning home to catch up on his own work speaks volumes to me.  I know I'm repeating myself but that's OK, because this simply says, "my brother loves me." 

Have you ever experienced this kind of love from a relative or friend? My brother may send me a thank you for having him, but I am sending him a note thanking him for his generosity of time, energy, and especially his love!! My heart is full-up with gratitude and much love for my brother.  It was an amazing week!  Thank you, Dan, very much!!  

What To Talk About?

A very interesting phenomenon  occurs once in a while in my spiritual direction appointments, personally, and with those who do spiritual direction with me. I have gone to spiritual direction and have said, “I absolutely don’t know what to talk about!  Nothing major is hitting my brain or my heart to bring out."

I have observed, with amazement, when a client sits and talks about many things, seemingly trivial and disconnected.  Then, as if a switch had flipped, the spiral goes deeper, and deeper, inside.  What is inside comes out with expression and emotions.

It's not uncommon for a directee/seeker to come to the end of a session and then comment about no need to worry about what to talk about because by the end of the hour something very deep came up to process. It amazes me every time I observe this. 

There is a beauty of spiritual direction that is sometimes hard to explain.   I am the physical body as spiritual director in an appointment but the divine, which I call the Holy Spirit, is the true Spiritual Director. I have another chair in the room as a visual reminder to both of us.  This helps me to get out of my own way and call on God or the divine to be with us both.

I have never been let down in an appointment.  There have been times that I have blundered, getting in my own way, but most times the peace at the end of our time tells me that God is bigger than me and can make straight lines out of crooked ones!  I hope to continue letting Him.

So, if you have a thought to contact a spiritual director or would like to talk with me or want to make an appointment, but don’t know what to talk about, don’t let that stop you!  You may be amazed.  This is something you can try for one time or several times, until you get a feel for what you want to do.

I am a spiritual director and offer appointments in Two Rivers or Crivitz, WI. Call to talk with me at 920.793.3530 or to subscribe to my blog, see: MollyLaFond.com

Our Mortality

It seems with such a short summer this year I am hearing, "my, where does time go?" This comment gives me pause to consider "time" in a different context, that of facing our mortality. Well,we all are facing our mortality, some sooner than others.  Spiritual direction is a wonderful arena in which to discuss this journey.

Have you ever had a conversation with an individual and something brought you to this topic and with it one's spirituality and relationship with the divine? A friend mentioned to me "the older I have become, the more focused I am regarding my relationship with God." This conversation also brought up other concerns of: prayer, heaven, purgatory, and other things. 

Several years ago my younger sister had a fourteen month nightmare with cancer before she died, which became a very poignant time for several of us because of all her fears, questions and "getting right with God." Sharing these discussions with her challenged some of my own beliefs and brought me much closer to my own heart; it was also a blessing for me to have a spiritual director to talk things over with. 

By having a spiritual companion a dying person can come to a true peace if they have been allowed to express their concerns. This allows them to come to their own convictions. The atmosphere of spiritual direction trusts that the divine entity is the real spiritual director in the session not imposing personal beliefs onto the dying person.   Spiritual direction can facilitate a very calm, accepting atmosphere as that person transitions from this world into the next. 

Because time does fly, especially as we get older, no matter how long we may have, spiritual direction can be invaluable. There doesn't have to be a major situation, like death, facing us; it could simply be that time in life when these concerns come to mind. If you yourself wonder who to turn to or know of someone who might appreciate a listening ear, consider spiritual direction. It could be a huge gift!

I am a spiritual director with offices in Two Rivers and Crivitz, WI. If you would like to do spiritual direction with me, contact me at 920.793.3530. To read more or to subscribe to my blog, see:MollyLaFond.com

Addictions and Spiritual Direction

Do you know anyone who has fought any addiction?  What a stupid question, huh?  Perhaps you are in the middle of one yourself.  Often, whatever that addiction is, be it alcohol, food, gambling, sex, etc. etc., our attention has been taken away from other priorities of work, family, self-care and God. Recovery begins a whole other process, trying to get back to healthy living and right relationships.

Many times that person had a warped sense of the divine before recovery. Sometimes beliefs that were instilled in us as children no longer support our belief system now. This can leave the addicted person with a fear that spiritual direction means (s)he needs to talk about their spirituality or religious beliefs.  This couldn’t be further from the truth.  

Because of the addictions there usually has been much wreckage in that person’s life, now wondering how to right the wrongs, how to communicate, how to put it all into perspective. Often, family and personal relationships have been so fractured there really are few others to turn to during this recovery process. This is where spiritual direction or spiritual companioning can really offer a safe atmosphe for this road to recovery.

Along with a person with addictions, the family system is also a challenged entity.  Frustration, helplessness, and possibly hopelessness become part of the tapestry of coping, not knowing where to turn. A spiritual director will receive all the questions and emotions one may bring to the session.  This time together should be one of deep listening and compassion.

A spiritual director with some knowledge in areas of recovery, codependency and the 12 Steps can be a wonderful sounding board and guide. Just having someone who will not judge nor condemn is major in healing many of life’s woes. If the pain and circumstance of addiction, or living with an addicted individual, have you caught in a web not knowing where to turn, consider calling me for spiritual direction.  Give it a try.  What have you got to lose?

I am a spiritual director with 27 years of working with recovery issues.I am now taking new appointments.  If you would like to do spiritual direction with me, call 920.793.3530 or to see my blog, go to: MollyLaFond.com

Retirement and Spiritual Direction

Isn’t it amazing how in every stage of life there are various conversations for each: boyfriends, jobs, family, and then retirement?  I remember how Mary Kay Ash, of Mary Kay Cosmetics, used to say what each age group needed. When she got to those over 65 she emphatically said, what they needed was “cash”!  Only now, in my 60’s do I completely understand what she meant. Many of us never gave retirement a thought, until it hit. Retirement can bring a plethora of concerns, not just financial.  In these specific times, spiritual direction or spiritual companioning can be a huge personal gift.

Retirement years bring many topics to an intersection of query, including finances. To those who are not in this era, retirement and how spiritual direction may be beneficial, may not make sense. To others, however, it does.

One issue that comes to mind is the “sandwich” individuals who not only are in the retirement years but also are raising their grand kids; at the same time some are challenged “taking care” of elderly parents. Put in the mix one’s own shattered dreams/expectations, personal health issues and care, declining abilities and increased fears, angers and resentments…a real quandary. 

Perhaps earlier than planned “retirement” from an occupation or death of a spouse has left a person with no one to process feelings with leaving the survivor in a very compromised state. Maybe there is a distance from other family members with questions of how to plan the future alone.  Seeing the divine in such times can be quite challenging. These are some real opportunities that spiritual companioning can be very fruitful for a retiree.

Often, retirement may be simple and easy to navigate but I bet if one were to be honest, this time of transition from the “doing” years to the “being” years can still offer some concern. Think about it.  Might you consider spiritual direction for yourself or know of someone personally who might benefit?  Call if you would like an appointment!

Molly is a spiritual director and taking new appointments. If you would like to do spiritual direction with her, call 920.793.3530 or to subscribe to her blog see MollyLaFond.com